Spoilers ahead, ye be warned.

Wow. I was so excited last night to have this show back on! and so many questions to answer to. Is Lafayette dead? Will Sookie find out about Bills baby vamp? What is Maryann doing in Bon Temps, and why is Sam so scared? Also what is Eric wearing and will i get to see him naked? (okay thats not a valid lingering question but its still important) This synopsis isnt going to be in order of what happened on the screen.

Right off the bat, we see Tara ,Sookie, and a drunk Andy looking into his car at the feet sticking out. Andy checks the pulse and there is none and when they lift the tarp, its Miss Jeanette the fake voodoo woman with her heart ripped out and a terrified look on her face. Whew, its not Lafayette! For those who read the books, this is a surprise, but I wanted Alan Ball to keep him around, such a great character. The cops come, and Sookie tells Tara to tell Kenya exactly how she knows the corpse , which Tara does...good for her.

Andy and Bud and Kenya interview her and basically call Shenanigans on her voodoo story telling Tara that they didnt believe her story about the naked woman and the pig in the road story either when she crashed her car either, so now its voodoo? Untill Taras momma comes in and she tells them the same thing. Of course Taras mom still believes that Miss Jeanette was the real thing, and when they leave she meets Maryann who is there to get Tara. Maryann basically with a smirk tells Taras mom she was a horrible parent and tears her a new one and they leave.

We see Lafeyette chained to a spike thats attached to a wheel and there are about 3 other people there with him. Every once and awhile they have to turn it, for what purpose I dont know! Someone new is added and we realize its one of the three redneck homophobes who Lafayette force fed an Aids Burger too, he is also one of the guys who burned down the house with the vampires in it.

(ERIC? ERIC?)

This guy starts sharing with Lafayette his sins, including letting some other kid blow him at safety patrol camp! I surmised that these people were down there because they had all committed or were suspected of committing crimes against Vampires. Lafayette being a V dealer, and one of his suppliers , Eddie, being killed (by Amy) is his reason for being there I suspect.

Meanwhile we see Sam bring MaryAnn her money in a bag and when he goes to her house he has a flashback while picking up a statue, and we see him as a puppy beagle in a storm, wander up to MaryAnn’s house and of course there is a freaking buffet just in the dining room for him to eat from! So he is naked and eating food and stealing from her and she catches him. In true MaryAnn style she isn’t angry, its more of a cat who caught the canary smile and you fear for teen Sam’s well being! She is fascinated by him, and of course has to bed him and she does the whole shaky thing which I CANNOT STAND, I think its too cheesy of an effect to truly show what a magical creature she is. As she takes a shower he finds clothes and proceeds to continue to steal from her, finding a huge stash of cash. So he obviously is there to repay her and he doesn’t get too, so he goes back to the bar.

(NOPE NO ERIC YET)

At Maryann’s Tara and that guy (name escapes me) get comfy by the pool and get served fruit by MaryAnn herself and the guy says “do you notice how she has a never ending supply of tropical fruit?” yes dude we do!! She points out the Mural of the great God Pan, and a human woman in an embrace….what does that mean? As Tara and this guy go to kiss, the butler interrupts with Egyptian cotton towels and later gets bitch slapped by MaryAnn for it. Later at the bar Sam tries to give her the money and she tells him that its not what she wants…..and when we see Tara kissing the guy finally, MaryAnn seems happy that Sam witnessed it. Does she want to take Tara away from Sam? Something he treasures? If she wanted to do that, she should have gone after Sookie IMO.

Sookie meanwhile gets told her Uncle is dead, and she has inherited his guilt money because he molested her.

Onto Bill and baby vamp Jessica, she doesn’t like being there, its boring apparently. He tells her about his recycling bins HA! And tells her about Sookie and answers her question of “can we eat her” with “you may not” Sookie does come over and meets Jessica and of course is a bit put off by her being there….in a towel. Bill explains that Jessica is there because that was his punishment for killing Longshadow, he had to replace him with her. Sookie is mortified as she should be, because a) the girl is freaking 17 and b) making someone a vampire is very intimate and c) Bill hadn’t told her. She leaves and later goes back to tell Jessica they can have a girl’s night in, if only she would give her a Bill a night to themselves. Jessica agrees and goes to do whatever new vampires do when they don’t want to hear their sire screwing the heck out of a barmaid. HOT HOT scene alert! Anna Paquin has a marvelous body, and I admire her bravery on this show for keeping it real. Oh and Sookie also tells Bill about Miss Jeanette, and wonders if Jessica could have done it. He doesn’t think so and neither do I. Oh and sookie confronts bill about her Uncle dying and he admits he did it, this mortifies Sookie again that Bill can be so flippant about human life, but he does not apologize for it.

(STILL NO ERIC!)

Jason and the fellowship of the sun. So he joins the Rev Newland and his perky wife and when sookie gives him the money she inherited he thinks it’s a sign from god that he should go to the leader’s retreat that he had previously thought out of his reach due to it being expensive. Jason’s story in this is interesting; I cannot wait to see where it goes. I do however predict that he will be nailing Mrs. Newland by the end of the season.

So back to Lafayette in the dungeon and it’s down to him and the redneck, and someone is coming down the stairs….IS IT? IS IT? IT IS! Its ERIC, in a freaking smock with FOILS in his hair!!! I basically fell onto the floor laughing my ass off. He takes Mr Redneck and informs him that they have heard every word he has said down there and he knows he is the one who killed the vampires in the house and BAM the guy lashes out with a silver cross and burns my perfect mans face! Bastard! But Eric then proceeds to rip him apart limb from limb with Lafayette looking on in terror! That guy totally deserved it, but Lafayette doesn’t!

So that was basically the show, if I left anything out, forgive me.

Coming next week we see Lafayette asking Eric and Pam and Chow to make him a vampire? What?

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